Dogs Also Have Manly Pride.

You can embarrass dogs by laughing at them, and they understand some English. It's a good thing they don't understand the subtle remarks that women sometimes make about male dogs and their testicles.

Zorro, a Giant Schnauzer, was recently adopted and his new owner had him neutered. In young dogs, the empty sac would have shrunk rapidly but in Zorro it is large and prominent. His owner and a friend were discussing what could be done. They asked about scrotum reduction surgery. They asked about artificial testicles. They even asked me if I could put a zipper in Zorro's sac so it could be used it to store one or two little plastic "poop baggies" when going on walks.

They do make artificial testicles for dogs. They are called "Neuticles." I found lots of information about them at the "neuticles.com" website. They come in nine different sizes for dogs, from XX Large down to XX Small and even Petite. The "rigid" models are the lowest in price. For a little more money you can get softer, more natural feeling ones, and you can even get more anatomically correct models with imitation blood vessels and a spermatic cord. Prices range from $99 to $849 per pair. You can also buy just one, and for $699 to $1799 you can get a pair of custom sized Neuticles, tailor made for your dog. These prices do not include installation. I suppose a zipper would allow for upgrading to fancier models, easy replacement in pups that are still growing, and your dog could have special Neuticles for special occasions, but I don't think that would be practical.

There are also Neuticles available for cats, horses and bulls. You can buy Neuticles key rings and baseball caps. The Neuticles website claims the inventor of Neuticles was awarded the "2005 IG Nobel Peace Prize" and Harvard University's "top prize." It's not clear if those are the same prizes. It also says "... over 150,000 dogs, cats, horses and bulls have been "Neuticled" in all 50 states and 47 countries worldwide without a single complication." I don't know about the veracity of the rest of the website, but I don't believe there is any surgical procedure that has been performed 150,000 times without a single complication.

The most common complication we see, usually in larger dogs, neutered as adults, is swelling of the scrotum. Neutering dogs while they are young, when the testicles and scrotum are small, greatly reduces the risk of this complication.

Dogs sometimes lick their sutures out. That area is very difficult to protect with a bandage but you can make your dog wear a plastic cone over its head until the surgery site heals. Dogs hate those cones, and we generally don't recommend them. They rarely lick their sutures out, especially young dogs, and even if they do, the resulting wound, though unpleasant to look at, virtually always heals without re-suturing.

Neutered dogs may have a tendency to gain weight as they mature, and can become obese. But this is easy to prevent if you just control the amount of calories they take in, and give them enough exercise. Feed a measured amount of food once or twice a day, regulate treats closely, and weigh your dog regularly.

Besides helping control the canine population, neutering dogs eliminates the risk of testicular cancer, reduces the risk of prostate disease, and reduces the risk of traumatic injury. Since last spring we have seen several large dogs that were hit by cars or chewed up in dogfights. Almost all of them still had their natural testicles.