Euthanasia - What Do You Tell The Kids?

Muffy was 18 years old, debilitated, and suffering from the ravages of age and chronic illness. His family could see he no longer enjoyed eating, or playing, or anything else, and he didn't understand why. They decided it was time to make the end for Muffy peaceful and painless.

They all came to the clinic together, Mom, Dad, and young Hannah. When they said good-bye to Muffy, Mom and Dad had tears in their eyes, and Hannah quietly cried. Mom and Hannah waited outside and Dad gently held Muffy. The old cat was unconscious before I finished giving the injection, and his heart had stopped by the time I held the stethoscope to his chest.

Sheri had made the same decision about their old cat Serenity Sam but her daughter decided to stay home. Just after Muffy's family walked out the door, Sheri came into the clinic with tears streaming down her cheeks. She smiled sadly through her tears and said, "I had myself all psyched up and was going to be strong, and then as I was walking into the clinic I met this little girl carrying a white box, sobbing and crying, and I just lost it. Her mother even came over and gave me a hug."

As a general rule, I think it is best to be honest with children when it comes to euthanasia of pets. Muffy was about twice as old as Hannah and had been part of her family, and her life, for as long as she could remember. It's hard for any of us to end the life of a pet and by the time parents become parents, they usually have first hand experience coping with the death of loved ones, and they know how heart wrenching it can be. It's understandable that one would want to shield a child from that grief.

But children are stronger and more resilient than you think. Perhaps younger children even have an advantage of sorts in that the relief of crying comes more quickly and naturally to them. Many of my adult clients now were children in the early days of my practice and some of them that, like Hannah, said a teary goodbye to a pet in that same exam room, have told me they were glad their parents told them the truth.

But sometimes it's not as simple as that. Several years ago Blake came home from school on day to find her brother lying on the couch sobbing. After she learned that her cat had been run over and died, she thought it was strange that her brother was so broken up because he had not seemed very attached. She only found out years later that he was the one who had accidentally backed over the cat in their driveway.

Blake told me she was very upset when she learned of the deception and thought they should have told her the truth. But I also talked to her mother and she stood by the decision she had made to not tell the whole truth. My wife and I raised a son and daughter and I know that adolescent siblings often have a relationship that is complicated, emotional and volatile. A caring parent sometimes must make difficult judgment calls.

I would never presume to tell any parent what to tell or not tell their child in situations like these. But I would advise thoughtful consideration. It is an important decision. By the way, Hannah made a little headstone - "Here lies Muffy, a magnificent cat," and they had a little ceremony. That's important too.